The Onion | I Assume My Reputation For Arrogant Presumption Precedes Me

"Boastful and self-important? I've bragged of everything from my golf game to my ludicrously expensive automobile to the size of my perfect dick. Maybe someday, I'll let you curl up at my feet, and I will delight your eager ears with talk of such matters.
Rude and insensitive? Ha! You'll never meet anybody less sensitive than I am. Can you hear me?
Base? Fuck yes!
Patronizing? Indubitably. (That means 'yes,' in case I lost you there.)
Inappropriate to the point of being downright sexist? Believe it, sweet-cheeks. "