JZip: Senator Hatch Introduces Bill to Burn People’s Eyes Out

"Jack Valenti, head of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), welcomed the announcement. “For too long, our valuable intellectual property, such as Encino Man, Citizen Kane and Girls Gone Wild on Geek Cruises, has been stolen. When you watch a video at your neighbor’s house that your neighbor rented, you are nothing but a thief who deserves to have his--or her--eyeball fluid pour down your cheeks like the crododile tears you shed for the plight of impoverished Hollywood executives. We know who you are, you thieves, all 157,872,548 of you in the United States alone--and we’re going to burn your eyes out!”"