Comedian accused of Blasphemy

How come I never get accused of blasphemy? :(

"What if Jesus had been killed with a wrench? Then it would have been impossible for a plumber to repair your toilet without being accused of blasphemy."
"If you're a Christian you can take as many flying lessons as you want without raising suspicions, you can exorcise as many minor demons from young, attractive girls as you want, and it is just wonderful to be able to toss all responsibility back to God."
"No matter what kind of a swine you were while alive, no matter how sick the sexual inclinations you indulged, you will be taken back in and forgiven, as long as you are really dead."